By the Sword
by Mariyekos
Summary: The price for wielding Siegfried was high. And it was not-so-slowly killing Xander, as much as he hated to admit it. He wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible, which becomes a problem when Elise comes looking for him after one of the bloody coughing fits the sword causes. (Inspired by an old hc about Siegfried slowly killing its user as a price for its ranged abilities)


**Author's Note: This is technically named after the song by Slash, but I hadn't heard it until looking up names for a title so don't think too hard on it. It's a good song though, and the lyrics are pretty great too. Give it a listen if you have the time.**

 **Also yeah I realize that Siegfried can probably only be wielded by members of the Nohrian royal family, so technically Katarina shouldn't be able to use it. But I'm going to pretend that Katarina is distantly related to Siegfried's original wielder, so she has just enough of a connection to use the sword, even if she wouldn't be able to use dragon veins and stuff.**

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His mother hadn't died of some unknown illness or a wound dealt by some Hoshidan weapon. She hadn't died by the poison a concubine slipped into her drink, nor by the blade of an assassin who had snuck into the palace looking to signal a new era. Her death was not a suicide, nor was it a sudden murder. It was a long, drawn out death; one that she hadn't realized was in effect until she was beyond salvation. It was something she wouldn't wish on anyone. Save a select few, that is. But she wouldn't wish it on any good person or family or friends, and she surely wouldn't wish it on her son.

It was a good thing she had died two decades ago.

If not, she would be weeping. The stone queen, famous for keeping a straight face even through war meetings and reports of failing towns and dead families, would have broken down in tears, dropping to the floor in a quiet heap. No babbles, nor screams, nor cries. Just silent anguish, and quiet sobs, and heavy regret.

So it was a good thing that she was long dead, because Xander never wanted to see his mother broken again. Broken like she would be if she could see him where he was, leaning against the door to one of the store rooms, coughing so hard his vision was blurring from lack of air. If it hadn't been for the solid wood behind him, the Crown Prince of Nohr would have been crouching down on the marble tiles, doubled over and shaking even worse than he was. At this point he was surprised his legs could still hold him up, even if most of his weight was resting against the door. If he had been crouched down, relying on his arms to keep him up, Xander would likely have just fallen into a crumpled heap, spasming each time a cough ran through his weakened chest.

It wasn't necessarily a new feeling. In fact, it was something he was intimately familiar with. This time, however, was much worse than he had ever imagined. It wasn't terrible because of the swimming vision, nor was it so uncomfortable because of his inability to get air into his lungs. It wasn't even so bad because of the tremors in his limbs that prevented him from walking out of the abandoned room he was in. What was unbearable was the pain. The ache. The drain from his arms and legs and chest and head and everywhere else that made him feel like someone was trying to tear him apart, skinning him alive and crushing his body all the while.

Dark magic was a very unpleasant thing, and anybody who got hit with a Nosferatu or stronger spell could tell you how much they wished they had abandoned the march that day. Xander would've happily taken an hour of Iago or some other mage blasting him with dark spells over what he was going through at the moment. At least dark magic tended to concentrate on one or two of the four pains the Crown Prince felt, and left only a slight ache after the spell's intended effects were done. This was so much worse, so much more long lasting, so much more intense.

A hard cough crashed out of Xander's throat, and his vision turned black, sparks dotting the room. He was no longer choking on a dry mouth and dust left over from the battle hours earlier. No, he was suffocating in a sea of blood. The blood that rushed up from his throat and his lungs, matching the blood of all the innocents he had slaughtered over his life, matching the blood his mother had choked up back when she still drew breath. The blood that spilled out of his mouth, into an armored hand that couldn't even stabilise itself enough to grab onto his cheeks and keep the spatter from hitting the shelves in front of him. As his vision cleared of the blackness with its spots of white light dispersed throughout, Xander's eyes focused once more. His lips and chin were wet, and there were drops of blood on some of the buckets nearby. The metal part of his gauntlet was coated with blood both old and new, the cloth portion chilling his hand as the blood soaking it flowed down the fabric.

He put more of his weight against the wall, feet sliding forward and back falling down until he had reached the floor. The world was no longer dancing around him, and he could finally get in a few breaths, pathetically small as they were. Filling his lungs with air was all he needed to be able to do, before he passed out from asphyxiation.

While the world had spun and blinked before Xander, his ears had also been filled with a deep ringing, drowning out any other sound. Now that he could hear again, he noticed someone was yelling something down the halls of the castle. A girl.

"Big brother! Xander! I know you're back here, I saw Peri in the kitchen almost ten minutes ago! She wouldn't say exactly where you were, but I know you're somewhere around here!"

Had it really been that long? The kitchen was in a different wing of the castle. For Peri to get there and Elise to get back, at least a few extra minutes would have been tacked on to the ten. Either Xander had been coughing longer than he realized, or was just so dazed he only focused back to clarity while blood ran out of his throat.

Gripping the wall to pull himself up, Xander reached for the handkerchief hidden in his armor, wiping down his face to clean it of any blood. When he checked his reflection on the side of a glass container in the room, he looked clear enough, and debated going outside. If he stayed and Elise couldn't find him, then Elise would question him about it the next day much more than she would if she found him in the next few minutes. If she found him in the store room, then she'd do a much more thorough analysis than he cared to stand through. So, exiting and dealing with her outside was probably the best option.

He took a deep breath, wincing at the shot of pain that went through his chest, and opened the door, stepping forward and shutting it behind him.

"Ah, looks like you've found me," he said at a fairly low volume, not wanting to speak any louder for fear of aggravating his raw throat and aching lungs. He still felt a dangerous twinge in his chest, though. Gods, he hoped Elise didn't hit him with a running hug as she tended to do. He didn't think he could remain standing and keep himself from coughing up more blood if she did that.

"Xander!" Elise shouted back in joy, a wide smile breaking out across her face when she spotted him. She ran toward him, her arms starting to raise in preparation for one of her famous hugs.

Xander felt a brief look of worry cross his face as his eyebrows furrowed for half a second, but plastered a small smile back up, hoping Elise wouldn't notice and worry.

But of course the girl did, and she skidded to a stop right before she reached him. Her bright smile turned into a frown, and concern spread across her expression. That wasn't good. Xander only hoped she hadn't quite caught on to what was wrong with him.

"Are you okay, big brother?" Elise asked, looking up into his eyes. "You look a little pale. Did something happen? Are you feeling alright? Did you get injured in the last battle? Don't tell me you skipped out on the infirmary because you were worried there weren't enough supplies! You're important too, y'know! You can't just hide from the doctors because you don't want to have to spend time stuck in bed since that 'intrudes upon valuable training time' as you like to say it. You have to take care of yourself!"

Well, at least she hadn't completely caught on. He should've known better than to think she wouldn't notice anything was off about him at all. Elise was a perceptive girl when it came to things like that. Sure, there were plenty of things she missed. Like what was going on with their father, for one. Though that could just be attributed to how she hadn't really known him back before he became so…

But, she noticed whenever he, Camilla, or Leo grew ill. She had a habit of grabbing sick or tired servants and dragging them to him asking if they could have the day off to rest because she didn't think it was fair for them to work when they weren't feeling good. He'd seen her sneaking baskets of food and medicine to her friends in the city after hearing her talking with Effie about some person he didn't recognize being sick. So it wasn't that surprising she noticed something was up with him. But that didn't mean he was going to give in and explain the full circumstances. She was perceptive, but there were ways to get around that.

Xander set a hand on Elise's head, making her pout. "No, I don't have any injuries. I've heard you scold me about that enough times to learn my lesson."

"I don't _scold_ you! I just give you strong reminders!" Elise interrupted.

Xander chuckled, which he regretted immediately when it brought back the urge to cough, which he did his best to ignore. "Of course, Elise. But I've no injuries. I'm just coming down with a bit of a cold, so I'm not feeling my best. You needn't worry so much about me. I'll be okay."

Elise hummed, considering his words. Then she scrunched her nose, and put her hand around his wrist, moving his gauntlet to the front of her face. She sniffed it, and Xander's heart skipped a beat.

"Then...why does your hand smell like blood?" she questioned, looking skeptical of his claims.

Why did she have to notice that of all things? That was his fault for being so out of it. He had been coughing into his hand, and even if he'd wiped off the visible blood it wasn't as if he'd washed the cloth off to get rid of the scent. If he hadn't put it so close to her nose she wouldn't have noticed. But he had, and now he was in a tough spot.

"Xander?" Elise continued when he didn't respond.

"Ah, well, you've caught me." Xander said slowly, still constructing his response in his head. "It's more that I already _have_ a cold than that I am coming down with one. I suppose the cold's made me a bit forgetful, and I forgot to wash my gauntlets after my last battle. I'll go do that now, so run along. It's not the most interesting process."

That wasn't a complete lie. He had been in a battle against others earlier. And his coughing fit could be seen as a battle. Just one against himself and the damn curse, rather than a living opponent. And he'd been so focused on meeting Elise standing rather than hunched in a store room that he had forgotten about the state of his gauntlet. Perhaps he'd been thinking of washing it in the future and thus hadn't really forgotten about it but… It was partially true. He'd wanted to wash it before meeting any of his siblings. So he didn't intend to meet her with a bloody glove. That wasn't forgetting, but it was good enough, wasn't it?

"Xander, you're staring off into space again! You go to bed right now, or I'm gonna call Laslow and Peri and they're gonna drag you back to your room! I'll go get one of the servants so they can wash your stuff, don't you worry about a thing."

A small smile creeped its way up the corners of Xander's mouth once again. Oh, Elise. She had a good heart. He didn't want her to ever lose that. That warm heart and sweet smile. But she would, sooner or later. Especially once he died. Especially if she found out just why he died, if it was from what was making him ill at the moment. Would she forgive him for his silence, and for his continued use of his killer? She forgave him for most things, but that one was much harsher. Maybe not. At least she'd still have Leo and Camilla. They could protect her, and do their best to keep that smile on her face.

"Xander, you have to actually move your feet to get to your room. You better start moving by the time I reach ten, or I'm gonna go get your retainers!" Elise cupped her hands to her mouth. "Oneeee, twoooo, threee-"

"I get it, I get it," Xander responded, moving her hands back to her sides. "I'll be on my way."

He took a few steps forward, but was stopped when Elise grabbed his hand and jerked him back. Oh, how that aggravated the ache in his bones and the pain in his chest. He thanked the gods he was facing the other direction, because had she been able to see the expression of pain he made at the contact, she surely wouldn't be letting him go anywhere on his own.

"One last thing. Why were you hiding in a closet?" Elise asked him innocently.

Damn. She was a curious child. Couldn't she just let things be for once?

"Hide-and-seek. You've been a little sad lately, so I thought it would be fun playing a little game with you, and hid in the store room to make it harder for you to win."

Elise stuck her tongue out. "Xander! It's not a game if you don't tell me we're playing one! Next time tell me first, and I'll invite Arthur and Effie! Ooh, and Leo and Camilla and their retainers too! We can do it all over the castle."

Xander nodded. "I'll leave the planning to you. For now I have a bed to be getting to, do I not?"

"Oh, yeah. Shoo, shoo! Get moving, soldier! And get plenty of rest too! Don't be afraid to ask the servants to get you water and soup and extra pillows if you need them. I'll see you later!"

With that, Elise ran off, moving out of sight in less than fifteen seconds. He was alone again.

Xander then headed back for the store room, getting out another set of coughs after closing the door so the noise would be muffled to the outside world. There was less blood on his gauntlet than the last time, which was good. He steadied his breath and exited, walking back for his room.

He was free of Elise and her questioning for the moment.

The question was, how long could he keep the charade up? This curse, the price of Siegfried's extreme strength and ranged abilities, would follow him as long as he held the blade, and it wasn't as if the war was ending anytime soon. Would he survive until the end? Or would he become yet another casualty in the long war, killed by his own sword rather than that of the enemy? He'd always admired his mother, and wished to follow in her footsteps. This just wasn't the way he wanted to do it.

Xander's hand brushed against Siegfried's hilt as he walked, and a flash of pain ran through his chest, sending him to the floor as his body tensed and the aching in his bones was renewed.

Well. It looked like the answer to his question was "not long at all." That...was unfortunate. Maybe he should write a note, and hide it in his chambers, explaining Siegfried's curse, so that no member of the Nohrian family ever touched the blade and hurt themselves again. It was probably too late for him to save himself. The curse had eaten away at his mother even after she'd put the Siegfried away, the years of it being at her side being enough for it to continue the drain on her life despite the lack of contact between her and the blade. So he'd doomed himself already. It was odd that it had affected him so much so fast, though. Was there some reason why the curse had sped up? Why it was killing him so much faster than it had killed any of his ancestors? Was it some fault with his character? With his strength? Or was the blade stronger than it had been before, powered by some threat he could not see?

Unlike the question of how long he could keep pretending he was fine, his last questions were ones he could not answer.

So, Xander picked himself up off the ground and continued to his room. The next battle was only a few days away. He needed to rest and gain his health back, so he could join the fray once again and throw himself into battle for the sake of his country. So was the life of the Crown prince of Nohr. However short it would end up being, thanks to the weapon he held at his side.

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 **Author's Note: So. I wrote the first page and a half of this (of six) on November 1st, 2016 at 2am. It's come back to my mind numerous times since then, so I decided that today was the day to finish it. This is much shorter than I had originally imagined it would be (I was going to go onto Xander talking to Peri and so on), but I feel like this is the best place to end it.**

 **As for the last little bit, where Xander wonders why Siegfried is killing him so fast, the reason is that Anankos is possessing his dad and meddling in the world again, which made Siegfried react and kind of power up. The Rainbow Sage originally created it to help in his war of dragons, so the proximity between Xander and possessed Garon activates Siegfried's power at a much higher level than it would be at otherwise, meaning it drains him faster. That, and he has some dragon blood, so by fighting the Hoshidans who have the blood of a different dragon, it also activates the sword a little extra. This takes place in Conquest, by the way. Not that that's super important.**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading.**


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